A fight

August 3, 2009 at 6:02 pm (Message in a bottle)

So my DS – 4.5 years old had a ‘fight’ with a girl in his class….

I generally pick him up and way to start our conversation is..”o honey! i missed you, I had a nice day though, I had a couple of meetings, some programming…..” I end with “So how was your day?” Answers to this question reflects lots of things as to what goes in his school life. It leads to more questions from me.

This time he said “not good”

I asked: “Why?, what happened? ”

DS: “mom, you always say no name-calling, name-calling is bad….Mia (making up name) did the same to me.”

Me: “o really, what did she say?”

DS: “she told me, ‘bad-man’!”

Me: “hmmm…what did you say?”

DS: “That is not true. I am not bad and I am not even a MAN” (implies: I am a boy!)

Me: “well done, u replied well…so it was was bad thing she did name-calling. But good thing is that u answerd her back politely. That means you had a good day!”

DS: “o mom, that is true!” and a smile comes on his face

So, just got me thinking….how our definition of ‘bad-day’ and level of worries change with our age….just wish we can go back to those golden days!



  1. panchalkc said,

    This was a very amusing post! Very cute!

    A lot of problems, I feel, arise from our wanting ‘others’ to approve of us. As in, impressing others, wanting others to praise us, love us (love is the highest form of praise and approval!), envy us. But if we love ourselves, and are satisfied with how we are, we’d be relieved of so many pains. 🙂

    Take the case of your son. He was upset because Mia said he was ‘bad’. Had he realized that what she felt about him was totally immaterial he wouldn’t have been upset. 🙂 This is just a case in point, though. Don’t take it personally. It’s very difficult to explain such profound concepts at his young age.


    • indianworkingwoman said,


      Hmmmm, i think you have gift of looking at situation with completely different perception.

      I was just thinking ‘my toy broke’….to name-calling to ‘would have enough money when I retire’….you have different spin on the topic. While i agree with the view, i may have more to discuss and i disagree with the concept at the moment. I will write more later

      • indianworkingwoman said,

        can’t write more….lost the train of my thoughts 😦

    • indianworkingwoman said,

      ok, so what i wanted to say here or ask here is…..

      asking approval from others is different than getting judge from others…..You might say if somebody else judging matters to one, that means one is seeking approval from somebody….true. But i think it ties into habit of keeping everybody happy (which is the worst habit to have)

      Ok, here is an example…..
      I am not a very good cook….even after cooking the same thing thousand times, i can goof up. And my family has some finest taste buds. if food is not good i will be always told of…..and would be compared to my last best result for the same recipe. I am always being judge about how i have cooked. I do not seek their approval for food i have cooked….i’d rather expect….”at-least u cooked fresh food for us, inpsite of full day u have ahead of u, inspite of having long day at work…’ but fear of comments/ judgement always keeps me in worry state….

  2. Ketan said,

    Hello, ma’am!

    I hope, you won’t get angry if I slightly rephrase my above comment; when I say ‘others’, I mean people who are unimportant to us, or those who we do not respect.

    Ideally, you should believe in wanting to improve your cooking skills on your own, irrespective of what other family members think (if you enjoy cooking, that is). But if one is married there’s another problem–it is a kind of promise, assurance given to one we marry that “your life will become my life, my life will become yours”. So that kind of emotional detachment from one’s family members would amount to some kind of disloyalty.

    But most important thing I wanted to clarify is–‘as a human, you’ll never be as good as the food you cook!’ That’s what I’ve wanted to state.

    Other things like how honest, benevolent, helping, tactful, understanding you are would be much more important than cooking good food.

    Each time let’s say if you choose a dress–if you think ‘majority of people like women wearing pink color, so I’ll wear pink’ that would be living for others. But if you buy a pink dress thinking–‘wow! this pink dress is so good; I just love it!’ or ‘My husband (who I value a lot) likes me wearing pink color, so I’ll buy a pink dress’–that I’d term as living on one’s own terms. If you decide to buy the dress for the last two reasons, but if your neighbor (who doesn’t matter much to you) praises you, and you become pleased with the praise–that’s alright! But if next time you buy a dress specifically wanting a praise from your neighbor (who still doesn’t matter to you), that’d be living on their terms.

    Hope I’ve been able to clarify. 🙂


  3. Indian Homemaker said,

    That was really adorable!! And he does communicate, most mothers find Sons don’t communicate as well as daughters do… I used to ask, ‘so what did X say to Y’ or ‘did Z teacher wear a red sari?’

    • indianworkingwoman said,

      hmmm…intersting, never analyzed it. Not that I have a daughter to compare. But my son is surely communicating well than other boys his age in his friend circle .

      Somebody told me to talk abotu my day, so intsead of asking questions, i adopted that method, and works! so looks like ur approach works too

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